Pull up a chair, dear reader, and warm your socks by the roaring fire. Relax and let my grandfatherly presence wash over you. The sonorous voice, the bifocals, the smiling eyes peering over them, the cardigan pockets audibly bursting with Werther's Originals--all these things put you at ease as I read to you from a gigantic tome called "How Awesome My Spreadsheet Is".
For this is no ordinary spreadsheet. It must effortlessly record purchases made with USD, NZD, and AUS currencies, yet also normalize all expenditures to a single currency. It must distinguish between card and cash payments and yet also record cash withdrawals and credits. Its numbers must dance and its formulas must provide the music! O!
But alas, the spreadsheets of old men are of little interest to the young. I see you've already drifted off, readying yourself, no doubt, for tomorrow's adventures. Perhaps that's as it should be.
I spend a few minutes reading the formula in D2, silently taking in its beauty. And it is not long before I, too, grow sleepy.
I set the tome aside. Then I drape a heavy blanket over you and tuck it under your chin. The story will have to wait for another night, I think to myself.
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